EDITORIAL | The Story We Didn’t Accept
You may have heard rumors that Joss Whedon has submitted to Planet Scumm continuously since Scummy first opened the data-banks for contributions from earthlings. Apparently, he believes only Scummy can understand the deepest and most intimate stories that lurk in his heart. Joss Whedon is now mailing full, hand-written manuscripts to the beleaguered team of editor-thralls under Scummy’s command. We don’t know how he got our addresses, but he sends individual copies to each of us and our families. He has ignored numerous requests to cut it out, back off, and has violated restraining orders.
Each new manuscript is another fresh hell with detailed drawings and deranged marginalia appearing and disappearing. Scummy has therefore seen fit to end this torture in the most expedient way possible and ordered the editorial staff to just go ahead and publish Joss Whedon’s mad ramblings in the hope that this will sate, rather than inflame, his desire for Scummy’s attention.
submitted with seventeen additional chapters
The Nathan Fillion Dilation Disaster: A Space Opera -Season 3 EP 6
by Joss Whedon ( aka MR. PARTY)
Dedicated to the cast and crew of Firefly
“I am a leave on the wind, watch how well I fly.”
–Washed
It is comiccon time again! Party the mouse, (mcfly is his last name!) loves comiccon and he is going as usual because he likes it alot. His favoriate actor is a horse who is nathin fillion, handsome star of Waterfly and Castle. A panel is happening, ( with nathan fillion the horsee at comicon so party is going for sure. This panel will be about the show and also about personal life, which was Party’s main interest.
Party gets no tickets but when he ask to go in the guy on line who is watching says “i know you, you are party” and he is let in. Party is famous because he is always all over everoyone and they love it Usually Party parties with Dr. Dre and the Insane Clown Posse but when Nathin Fillion is in town you know Party is going to be at the panel Nathin Fillion is in.
Just then suddenly killer Borrgins flooded the auditoreum! Party flew into action, picking up Nathin and flying him down to the closed-down Century Pigion exhibit while killing borrigans. It was their only hope! And it was Party’s only hope for some time alone with Nathin. Party’s probiscus was getting all gooey just rubbing up on Nathin while they flew down the hallway and into the closed down ship from the anime STARWAR!o
Nathin is so grateful he says now I want to do something for you. Party’s eyes were gleaming as Nathin went really hard on loving his belly and then his probsicus and just when things were getting gooey oh no Party rolled onto the time dialator button!
His bum presses the button!
“Nice going with your butt, Party!” said Nathin admiringly but he is a little peeved, but not too much because Party did save his life beofre. Plus evryonne love party and nathin likes to be popular so he likes the popular people too. Sometimes the wrong people are popular, but Party is actually really nice.
Sally acorn says “oh brother, not again!” (She was of course in the Pidgeon the whole time, and knew trouble and speed(but she is not as fast as party) from her brother Tailz.)(also however she was hiding).
“Gross you were watching!” exclaimed Joss. “That’s okay though I don’t mind.”Hores nathan looks shy but exicted too. I didn’t mind because everyone knows SAlly is really cute. Sally says “but now we are in anther dimesiions mabe we have some time for doing more stuff.” so theyy put the ship into time park and for a while you just see the ship squawking and rocking back and forth and you horse Nathin whinny “OHHHHHH YEAH” and they walk out looking sheepish but really cool because Party found some super-powered robo sunglasses and some juggling balls in the spaceship and now he is doing tricks and Nathin and Sally are talking about how good he is at juggling then.
Of course, the time park would make it so you wouuld see all of these things insttantly or very slwly dpedning on when you were watching it from. By the way the “time machine” isnot really a time machine though. However, it can make traveling through time possible in some cases. But mostly it works by transposoong all of the ships different dimesntions into another dimensions that goes in a different direction. This can cause the user to “slide” or “slip” in time or to be in a differnt dimension after., Thats why you can see from the outside of timepark but cannot interffere ever.
In this time the process takes them to earth 4444443 which is one earth where nathan is a human ape and there is only one of him. And he wears a fedora. But two now! Nathan and partygo to comicon again which they realize is happening in this earth time also right now. They get to comiccon and horeses nathan is not let in at first but when everyone sees he is with party the mouse (interdimensional fame has certain privaleges) they let everyone in who is on line to celebrate. Now the comicon is PACKED! Jjust the way party likes it. 🙂
Earth 4444443 is the planet of dance parties also. Everyone is dancing all the time but noow that party is here even the ones who dont dance are dancing. Party grinds all the people who are dancing and none is jealous even though he is with everyone. But he parties way too hard on human Nathin and breaks his leg. No one who there is can fix les, and Nathin is in too much pain to go on partying. He is partied out.
Party cries. At least he’ll still have horhse Nathin.
“Oh no! Says panda bear allen tudick who lives in this dimesions already (see my earlier sotry for background on this[imdb firefly episode summary]).
There is nothing harder for a horse to do than to shoot the the huuman they were in another timeline or dimsension or planet because they are themself, especially when they are just becoming newest best frind. regular version of him who is his newest best friend, but sometimes there are party fowls and no one knows that as well as Party who gives him a big speech and makes him feel beetter. The speech goes:
“Nathan, just the horse Nathan, this is the right thing to do. Have you ever used a laser cannon? They are actually really easy, but sometimes they can backfire and cause a massive time dilation so be really careful. The laser party is bright green and basically looks like the lasers in STARWARStar Wars.”
Nathan Fillion’s head blew up. Pieces of his beautiful brain were scattered on everyone at Comicon like pink snow falling, but remember the snow is actually the brain of the greatest (human )actor of a generation. Everyone loved it but also they were sad. Also his teeth made clattering sounds when they fall. It smelled bad, but good.
then the crowd parted and Party saw Party in this dimension who is Robert Downey Jr and plays iron man and he has the suit on.( also the suit is becoming real and later party will really be real iron man, see my other story for more on this) And then this deminsion’s Robert Downey Jr. who is a slug with no comedic timing calls Party a balding loser but no one laughs.
It turns out when your just a tiny party fly you can fit in the iron man suit with the robert downey jr version of yourself and no one can see you and you get really sweaty. This is what happens when Bruce Willis comes on stage to play the rock harmonica version of the cantina song (techno version) and literally everyone goes crazy. Even ded mouse is there and he is bowing down to bruce willis because bruce is playing the version party wrote. Dr. Dre is actually in the Insane Clown Posse now and The Goo Goo Dolls are singing “Party goo” after Bruce Willis finishes and crowd surfs with party all the way bak to the time dilator.
What a crazy day!
Love,
Jhoss Whedon